I recently bought a glass screen protector for my new iPhone. It came in a pack of five, because why buy just the one you need when we can force you to pay for five of them?

If anybody reading this needs a screen protector for their iPhone, let me know. I can sell you four, cheap.

Here’s a letter I wrote back in 1984, from my recently rediscovered trove of old correspondence:

Forest City Products, Inc.
7750 Tyler Boulevard
Mentor, Ohio 44060

Gentlemen:

Recently I bought one of your Sentinel brand styptic pencils at my local drugstore. That is, I would have bought one if I could have; unfortunately they were only available in packages of two for 49¢. [Note: In 2022, the equivalent item is priced at $9.29 for a “twin pack.”] In my next lifetime and a half I am unlikely to use up even one whole styptic pencil; and should this judgment prove wrong, I will cheerfully shell out a quarter for another one in thirty years. I resent being played for a fool and coerced into buying twice as much of your product as I need. I am therefore returning herewith one unused (and unneeded) styptic pencil. [I stuffed the second pencil in the envelope along with the letter.] Kindly refund my 24¢ (I will graciously absorb the half-cent difference), plus incidental damages of 20¢ to cover the postage on this letter.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Sincerely,

V. O. Reason

P. S. Cash, check, or money order please—no discount coupons or merchandise.