I have avidly avoided paying the slightest attention to this sordid affair; I have not watched a minute of the trial or read a word of coverage in the papers or online. The only part that has penetrated my consciousness is the bit about her shitting in his bed, because it’s impossible to have been sentient the last month and not have heard that particular bit of depravity.

My judgment on the case is that she should hook up with Donald Trump, who seems to enjoy having people excrete on his bedclothes, and the rest of us should find something better to expend our brain cells on than what a pair of third-rate “celebrities” do with (or to) each other behind closed doors.